The tension in the room was thick.

You walked into the meeting certain your team was aligned.
But within minutes, you felt it: crossed arms, clipped tones, that one person looking like they’d rather be anywhere else.

You thought, What’s wrong with them?

Later, you find out they left the meeting thinking, What’s wrong with you?

Same room. Same words. Two completely different realities.

The Headset You Didn’t Know You Were Wearing

Here’s what most leaders never realize: your brain is lying to you.

Every. Single. Day.

It edits, distorts, hallucinates, and hides. You don’t see reality — you see a survival simulation. A headset tuned not for truth, but for protection.

And the kicker? Every single person on your team wears one too.

So, when conflict erupts, it’s not you versus them.

It’s headset versus headset. Illusion versus illusion.

The Trap Leaders Fall Into

That’s why you can:

• Swear you heard disrespect in your employee’s tone — while they’re swearing, they didn’t.
• Walk away convinced a client is “difficult” — while they walk away convinced, you’re the one who doesn’t listen.
• Believe your strategy was clear — while your team sits there thinking, she doesn’t get it.

Leaders don’t create conflict because they’re bad people.
They create conflict because they mistake their distorted headset for the truth.

Leaders with Unique Styles/Approaches

Are leaders who don’t get trapped here.

They know perception isn’t reality. They practice Emotional Intelligence (EQ) like a craft.

They pause before reacting.
They ask: What story is this person living in right now?
They listen not just to words but to the emotions pulsing underneath.

And then — they go one step further.

They draw on Spiritual Intelligence (SQ) — the ability to see beyond the headset altogether.

They ask:

• What bigger purpose is this conflict pointing us toward?
• What values should guide us here?
• How can this tension forge unity instead of fracture trust?

With EQ, they connect.
With SQ, they elevate.

The Captivating Draw of Genuine Leadership

Picture this:

A leader who can walk into a tense room and shift the energy in minutes.
Who can validate multiple “truths” without losing their own.

Who can turn conflict into the very friction that sharpens clarity, strengthens trust, and forges legacy.

That’s not fantasy.
That’s what happens when you stop being a prisoner of the headset and start leading beyond it.

👉And here’s the truth: you’ll never escape the headset.
But with Emotional and Spiritual Intelligence, you can become the kind of leader people don’t just follow — they remember and you deeply impact. 

Christine West
People Strategist | Emotional & Spiritual Intelligence in Life, Leadership & Business